23 January 2009

15 Reasons Why Videogames Are Heaps Better Than Real Life.

  1. You only get one life. That would be ZERO lives in a videogame.

  2. Unless you believe in the afterlife, in which case you only have two. That would be ONE life in a videogame - with cheats on - and cheats are just no fun.

  3. If you don't like the layout of your house, you can't just switch to debug mode and put girders in.

  4. I ate A LOT of mushrooms a couple of weeks ago. They didn't give me extra lives, they didn't make me increase in size; they didn't even give me prophetic visions. FAIL.


  6. I smashed open my television screen the other day to see what bonuses were inside. No shields, no speed boots, not even a few lousy golden rings.

  7. What a disappointment.

  8. Sewer pipes don't lead to other worlds filled with turtles, coins and funky music. They just lead to a whole lot of excrement.

  9. I learnt this from my two plumber friends. Neither of them can jump very high, nor shoot fireballs when they wear white overalls. SNORE.

  10. I tried busting open a crate with a crowbar, and not only was it harder to do than in Half-Life, it didn't have any money or weapons inside. Which brings me to my next point:

  11. You have to work for money. Well, you *can* kill people for money or steal, but you'll land your ass in jail if you get caught. In a videogame, you can find money in oil drums, barrels, treasure chests or just lying on the ground. And if the cops still want to arrest you, you can usually kill them and take their money too. Okay, that was two points.

  12. There's shopping centres everywhere full of items you don't need or can't carry, and you have to QUEUE to purchase them. In videogames there's just one merchant who sells everything and no queues! Then I can fit my new bicycle in my backpack along with my 150 animals sealed in compact balls for my convenience. I don't need to waste money on food there either, because there's usually juicy red apples and delicious chicken dinners lying on the ground. And get this: the floor is clean enough to EAT OFF!

  13. Or I can go fishing, and I'll know whether or not I'm going to catch something within five seconds. No more day-long fruitless fishing trips! No bait required! Oh, and boots and tyres can swim around the water just like regular fish, and they still put up a helluva fight when you're reeling them in. Free tyres! Makes boot-fishing fun!

  14. I drive a 1982 Ford Laser to the bus stop each morning. I'd rather drive that BMW across the street, but I can't because I don't have the key sad . In videogames I wouldn't need to catch the bus to get to work on time [hell, I wouldn't need to go to work]. All I'd need is my '82 Laser and a bazooka. Congestion go bye-bye!

  15. I can't even do an olley on a skateboard, let alone snowboard. In Steep Slope Sliders, I can do a chicken salad, canned crab, salvation, and finish with a tasteful 1260 degree indy nosebone. Off a cliff. And live.

  16. You have a wife. You can't turn sound off. Think about it.

  17. I have to listen to crappy Top 40 songs on the radio at work. Who's on the charts? Pussycat Dolls, Britney Spears, but NO K.K. Slider.

Which do you prefer?

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